no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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