So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
