I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
