At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
