you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
