I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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