Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
