I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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