I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
