Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
