I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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