I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
