walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
