My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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