i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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