i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
