i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
