ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
