I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
