Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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