He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
