You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
