I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
