My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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