i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
