Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
