I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
