just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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