I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize