So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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