you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
