Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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