Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize