she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We're too hungover to prance.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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