would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
