Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
