once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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