Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All the doctor said was why
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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