So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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