Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
