She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize