Someone shit on the floor
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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