And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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