its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize