What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
