its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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