I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
