whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
