Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
