i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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