remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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