they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
