The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
