i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
