People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm too high and old for this...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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