I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
