I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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