I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
