I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
