I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
