last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
