drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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