you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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