I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
