i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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