Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
