the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
