Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
