On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So many bounce houses so little time
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
