I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
