I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
