I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
