I think I died a long time ago.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
