She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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