I'm so fucking centered right now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
