I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
