If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
