No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
