can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
