I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
