Acid is not a monday night drug
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
